Or, What can happen if you are a pillock and only know half of it!!

Having read an article on the subject of anglers knives, and having seen first hand what knives some of my angling buddies carry with them to the bank, I thought I would recount what happened to someone who was aware of the law but not fully up to speed with it.

Its not just having a 3" plus blade you will have to worry about, because even if the blade is 1" long and it locks, you still fall foul of the law.

Picture this, a Law abiding citizen arrives at the local Magistrates Court in October to begin his stint on Jury Service, he walks up the step, through the revolving doors and is confronted by the metal detector thingy, and a couple of security chaps. No problem for him is it? As he is a law abiding citizen on Crown business and is not carrying neither a gun nor an 18 inch machete intent on causing murder and mayhem. "Could you please empty your pockets into the tray sir, and walk through the detector?" "No problem" says he.

All that he has in his pockets is duly popped into the tray provided, and the other security chap starts to scrutinize its contents by stirring them with the end of his pen, while he then walks through the detector, and after a swift once over by security chap no1 he's ready to collect his pockets contents, which should of course be no problem for a law abiding citizen.

But no!!, security chap no2 is looking very concerned whilst holding between finger and thumb a pocketknife as if it might bite him at any moment, our LAC recognizes it as his knife that he uses for work everyday, and which always sleeps in his pocket where ever he is. "Any problems?", he says in a voice that says.. you are having a laugh!. aren't you?? "Well yes sir, there is a problem" says no2 in a voice that say's, No I'm not!! "It's with your knife sir"

"But it's only got an inch blade, so it should be well within legal limits, shouldn't it??" "The length is fine," says no2 (wish the wife thought that he thinks) "it's the type of blade sir, yours is of a lock type, which, I'm afraid makes this an offensive weapon" "You're joking!" said a now worried LAC. "No, 'Im afraid not!" says no 2 with an air of "Ahh Ha!! A LAW breaker!!" creeping into his voice, having now dropped the polite, sir, "I'll have to inform my colleague upstairs, and he'll decide where we go from here", "how does he mean we!" thought the LAC.

The LAC now expected no2 to nip up the stairs and talk to his "colleague upstairs", but no, he instead whipped out a concealed walkie-talkie, and speaking as if it were a secret, informed his "colleague upstairs" of what he had uncovered, while he kept a wary eye on his "suspect".

The "colleague from upstairs" turned out to be a 6ft 5" copper nearing retirement, who added officialdom to the security guys on the door, complete with that stern smile that seems to be all the rage with policemen when they get the scent of a kill! After a quick conversation with no2, 6 foot five and not to be messed with turned to the LAC and in a voice that left no leeway for misinterpretation said "Would you follow me please sir", "this shouldn't take too long".

The LAC whose face had by now lost its incredulous look for one of barely disguised fear, decided to accede to the "request" and followed meekly up the stairs hoping that nobody else was taking an interest. Arriving in one of those offices that reek of officialdom, the LAC is ushered towards a chair, and is politely told to "take a seat there sir" and again "this shouldn't take long" A feeling that this situation could be serious in that he's now dropped the "too" bit is now descending upon the LAC's shoulders, and he sits forward on his chair, eager to "help" clear up what must be a misunderstanding, isn't it?

"Now sir" says 6ft 5 " I must tell you that I am going to caution you." "Bugger!!" The LAC is now thinking about the enormous piss take he's going to have to endure from his mates, both at work and especially on the bank, his first day of Jury service and instead of sitting in judgment on his peers, he gets charged with a crime and ends up in the dock himself! "Bugger!, Bugger!!, Bugger!!! ".. may be taken down and used against you in a court of law", 6 foot 5 has continued unabated, "now there's two ways we can deal with this" he continues, having got the formalities out of the way. " the first is that you admit having the knife in your possession and we formally charge you with possession of an illegal weapon", "but it's only an inch long!?" says the LAC plaintively, "0r", continues 6 foot 5 holding up a hand, "you could sign a declaration allowing us to take the knife away from you, and destroy it!"

"I'll sign the declaration" said the LAC quicker than a quick thing being very quick, and who by now doesn't quite feel very much like a Law abiding citizen. "But tell me", says he hoping by showing an interest that 6 foot 5 will see that he's just a pillock and not a desperate criminal, " I normally take this knife with me when I go fishing, what would happen if I'm pulled up on the way, and I'm found with it??" "You would be arrested and charged sir", says 6 foot 5 with complete indifference. "So what's the difference between say a "Swiss Army Knife" and mine that makes it illegal?" The LAC having been handed a get out of Jail Free Card now up to asking more questions, also wants to find out how not to fall foul of the Law with the exact copy of "the" knife that he's got in a drawer at home.

"Your blade locks into place sir", says 6 foot 5 in a tired "now listen very carefully Pillock!" voice that you would use while training a thick puppy, "whereas the Swiss army knife, even though it's blade is twice or three times as long, and would probably be more deadly, does not", he say's with an ironic grin. "So if I sign up and let you take the knife away and destroy it, I'm free to go back to Jury Service??" says the once again LAC. "Yes sir, once the declaration is signed and because there has not been a formal arrest, there's no problem with that at all", on hearing this the once again fully fledged Law Abiding Citizen heaves a huge sigh of relief, having side slipped the impending gigantic piss take. All the paperwork done and the knife formally handed over and placed in a sealed envelope and then into a large safe, the LAC grasped the nice policeman by his huge hand, both thanking him and apologizing for taking up his time in the same instant.

The LAC now takes the steps down two at a time, and arrives just in time to be late at the induction of new jurors, something that he had been in a sweat over all morning, the overwhelming thought in his mind, "I must remember to check the three other knives I take fishing, just in case".

This goes to show that even if you are aware of the law governing the carrying of Illegal Weapons and do your best to abide by it, the technicalities can still trip you up. All it took was one unforeseen disclosure, and had it not been for PC six foot five seeing that Mr Law Abiding Citizen really was unaware of the "Locking" technicality, and basically not a threat to society, it could have ended with an unwanted Police record, a fine, but worst of all being comically known as "the knife man" for the rest of his life.

So you see, providing i'ts less than three inches and kept in your pocket, size doesn't matter!, but having it lock into place does.
A chastened but still, a Law Abiding Citizen.

By Buz Burry

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